Behaviour is communication!
I've been thinking a bit about what drives people to take action, to behave in various ways. When I associate with anywhere between fifty and three hundred people a day in my profession as a secondary teacher, I am often confronted with behaviours that seem aggressive, belligerent, thoughtful, generous, uncertain or even criminal and I am forced to evaluate my part in that exchange and the possible motivation that lies behind the other individual's act.
In these situations I have sometimes fallen into the trap of labelling - 'entitled', 'damaged', 'mature', 'disrespectful', 'excellent', 'disabled', 'troubled', 'know-all' - I could create a long list. However, the truth lies somewhere else.
Mostly it is people trying to communicate something to me that I miss when I use a label. Sometimes the person isn't even communicating with me personally - it only seems that way to me. Perhaps s/he wants only to express something, somewhere, somehow and hopes that someone is listening.
I'm struck with the words I've used here. They all have the common 'some' prefix but it is the rest of each word that has weight.
-time
-thing
-where
-how
-one
It might be worthwhile to ask myself: What THING is happening at that TIME and in that PLACE? In other words, what is the context of this specific incident? I try to isolate all other experiences I might have had with that person in order to focus on the now of that moment, the better to understand the reality of this communication.
What is the MANNER of its happening? That is, if I atune myself to the verbal and body language I experience, both the other person's and my own, I might be better able to put labelling aside for a more truthful encounter.
Who might be the ONE person to be relied on to listen? Or conversely, is there anyone listening at all? Who else but me if I'm there!
In the end we can only do the best we can at that moment but that best might become better and more generative if we can have the courage to look that other person in the face and see ourselves, see that we are being offered an opportunity to become more. I suspect that we may develop compassion and empathy, gratitude and resilience and that the same may even become real in the other.
A few days ago I witnessed a young boy of about fourteen years old sobbing his heart out as he paced up and down outside the Student Reception Office. Generally, he appears to be a very angry young man who communicates by being verbally aggressive, ignoring direct communication and shutting down. It usually take a large amount of energy to 'get through to him'. He doesn't care that there might be a crowd around or that he is on his own. Fortunately he was being gently cared for by one of our staff members. I am sure that, had many other people witnessed this, a completely different young man would have become evident to them. I left that scene questioning again my own perspective and how easy it is for me to slide down that very slippery slope of demonsing, stereotyping, assuming and reacting to the outward expression of some deep, inner story that only he was telling himself and that somehow leapt out through his tears and choking sobs.
I now have him to thank for 'getting through to me' to teach me a lesson, one that it was time I re-imagined.
The Great Wheel turns and turns and we live in its paradoxical reality. Each turn brings a new path, an end and a beginning.
In these situations I have sometimes fallen into the trap of labelling - 'entitled', 'damaged', 'mature', 'disrespectful', 'excellent', 'disabled', 'troubled', 'know-all' - I could create a long list. However, the truth lies somewhere else.
Mostly it is people trying to communicate something to me that I miss when I use a label. Sometimes the person isn't even communicating with me personally - it only seems that way to me. Perhaps s/he wants only to express something, somewhere, somehow and hopes that someone is listening.
I'm struck with the words I've used here. They all have the common 'some' prefix but it is the rest of each word that has weight.
-time
-thing
-where
-how
-one
It might be worthwhile to ask myself: What THING is happening at that TIME and in that PLACE? In other words, what is the context of this specific incident? I try to isolate all other experiences I might have had with that person in order to focus on the now of that moment, the better to understand the reality of this communication.
What is the MANNER of its happening? That is, if I atune myself to the verbal and body language I experience, both the other person's and my own, I might be better able to put labelling aside for a more truthful encounter.
Who might be the ONE person to be relied on to listen? Or conversely, is there anyone listening at all? Who else but me if I'm there!
In the end we can only do the best we can at that moment but that best might become better and more generative if we can have the courage to look that other person in the face and see ourselves, see that we are being offered an opportunity to become more. I suspect that we may develop compassion and empathy, gratitude and resilience and that the same may even become real in the other.
A few days ago I witnessed a young boy of about fourteen years old sobbing his heart out as he paced up and down outside the Student Reception Office. Generally, he appears to be a very angry young man who communicates by being verbally aggressive, ignoring direct communication and shutting down. It usually take a large amount of energy to 'get through to him'. He doesn't care that there might be a crowd around or that he is on his own. Fortunately he was being gently cared for by one of our staff members. I am sure that, had many other people witnessed this, a completely different young man would have become evident to them. I left that scene questioning again my own perspective and how easy it is for me to slide down that very slippery slope of demonsing, stereotyping, assuming and reacting to the outward expression of some deep, inner story that only he was telling himself and that somehow leapt out through his tears and choking sobs.
I now have him to thank for 'getting through to me' to teach me a lesson, one that it was time I re-imagined.
The Great Wheel turns and turns and we live in its paradoxical reality. Each turn brings a new path, an end and a beginning.
Comments
Post a Comment