Ain't that the truth

It feels like so much of what we do is useless, that there are yawning gaps in our lives that just don't get filled except with sleep. But then again, that's only our own interpretation.

"Useless" is actually a value judgement that we make that probably has no basis in fact. How many times have I thought that a decision I made was useless only to find myself running headlong into an unexpected outcome that opened a door to another experience?

Some time back I decided to get into the online dating train. I was sure I knew what I was doing and that this would be a great experience.

Well, it certainly was an experience! I was scammed for around $15,000. Or to say it more accurately, I allowed myself to be conned out of $15,000.

What a waste. What a useless waste of time and money. Fifteen grand! What a kick in the guts.

When I realised what I was doing and what was being done to me, the shame was claustrophobic and I became paralysed by it. How could I, an educated sensible person let myself be caught, hook line and bloody sinker.

The first person I told was my ex and she was very supportive but honest. I was able to tell my sister next because I had decided the only way to rid myself of shame and self-flagellation was to tell people I trusted. Step One.

The uselessness of it all gradually began to dissipate somewhat, but not before I decided I wasn't going to let that bitch get away with it. While I recognised that it was merely a "business strategy" and I was a "client", I didn't want to dwindle into a useless mass of self-loathing and inaction. I told the website and her profile was deleted and then contacted ACORN, the Australian Cybercrime Online Reporting Network, and filled in the forms with all the nasty details. Of course I had minimal chance to get my money back: I made that choice myself. But I felt a bit better. Step Two done.

Step Three - write about it to confront what I had done. So I created a piece of fiction about my experience. It was hard seeing all those emails, texts and Skype messages and then to mould them into a story that people might want to read. And learn something just as I was learning something useful from an apparently useless waste of time and money. If anyone is interested in reading that story, let me know.

Even writing this now, I feel some spikes of disgust probing my gut. So be it. That's life, buddy. Ain't that the truth.